It's Either Really Smart or Really Not

It's a sunny afternoon.  There's a sense of urgency as I pull up to a stop sign; or maybe it's just impatience.  I've never been this way before and there was no sign indicating "right turn only" so I accidentally pull out too far and back up before I realize I have my own lane.  There isn't much traffic but enough that I was concerned about merging into it.  The sun is shining in my eyes as I watch to the left, looking for a safe time to go forward.  Even though the lane is open to me at this point, I'm watching to make sure I don't cut someone off who might be attempting to move over.

Finally, I pull out and head toward the bridge.  Everything looks completely normal until I am almost above it - the ground has eroded just before the bridge.  We make it onto the bridge but get out of the vehicle.  Rather than take the time to consider what any of this means, I run towards the far end and can see that there is a chasm between the bridge and the land.  I'm pulling the red Radio Flyer wagon and I figure I can make it if I jump.  Leaping off, I realize that I am nowhere near close enough and fall towards the river that appears to be hundreds of feet below.

That is how I woke up yesterday morning and it's of some import for two reasons: one; I haven't remembered my dreams for months or years (and I used to, vividly); and two, ho-ly crap. 

There are two sides to the debate on what, if anything, dreams mean.  The scientific explanation is that our subconscious is working through our random thought process and utilizing our waking sensory experiences - and they are meaningless.  The other, older side, holds the view that our dreams can tell us something, either about ourselves or the future.  I've always believed a little bit of both. 

Credit: cosmosmagazine.com

We can attach any sort of meaning we want to anything at all; superstitions, beliefs, or just being open to attempting to understand something that we didn't understand before.  Though I've definitely had meaningless dreams, I don't count this as one of them. On the one hand, I wonder if it is a testament to how quickly I'm going and I need to slow down and think through my future actions.  It could also mean that I've failed.  Or it could just mean that I'm scared of failing.  Thanks to science, I used to consider them to be about the present and about me, my thoughts, my fears and all of that.  I still do.  Since I'm quite often the main actor, no one could convince me otherwise.

However, I also take the position that our dreams are windows to the subconscious and can tell us something important: usually about what we fear.  I don't think of this as a past tense dream.  Instead, I think I'm telling me to slow down and consider my next steps.  Of course, that's what I've been spending the last three weeks thinking about anyway (and hence, it is just a visualization of my thoughts).  But that's why it means something to me.  My intention certainly isn't to jump off and hope to land on something.  I don't think.  But I am definitely impatient and perhaps I'm telling myself that I have to be patient or it will be like jumping off a bridge when I actually didn't have to.