Vocabulary Building - Curse Words

Do you remember when you learned your first curse words?  Personally, I was quite "in the know" while I was attending daycare.  I vividly recall standing in a small circle with two or three others, away from the rest of the kids, while we went through all the words we knew.  So - that would make me about four or five years old and my friends as well - it was daycare.

Original Artwork

My extended family was helpful in giving me an early education.  My one Uncle had a preferred saying while he was working on his motor bike.  He said "F'n B" (in its entirety) a lot and  I picked it up.  And according to the stories my mother tells, my great Aunt was a bit of a ... hmmm, how to put this... ah, she was a "pot stirrer". 

My great Aunt used to try to make me drop the F-bomb in public.  Much to her satisfaction I would eventually oblige just to get her to stop asking me to say it.  So I know exactly where I managed to build my vocabulary for curse words and like any community-minded individual, I shared this knowledge with other children at daycare and they in turn shared with me.

Those memories of sharing with other kids don't really help when your own little angels start throwing these words out randomly.  I don't think I've heard either O or E use them, but they're ten and eleven - I'm pretty sure they know a good deal of curse words; after all, they went to daycare (yes, I totally associate daycare with learning curse words).  No, the one who's used them most in my presence and other's is Aaron, who is seven, who has definitely taught Hunter, who is three. 

The first time I heard of Aaron using it was, surprise, surprise: at his dayhome.  He and his bff, another little boy, were apparently dishing out "you're such a little B" "no you're a little B" "no you are" when they were busted by the caregiver.  Again, we had a chat about appropriate language use via situational context but that hasn't seemed to go far with him.

Now I'm not saying Aaron is the sole educator but the few times Hunter has blessed us with a jaw-dropping gem, Aaron was the only one he was with prior to the bomb (and since O and E have been away the last week, Hunter's picked up a new one - the compound "A" word. You do the math).

I took a cue from my brother-in-law on the kids using curse words.  He has the position that the kids are going to learn them and they're going to say them so his idea is to educate them about when and where it is appropriate to use them; "in context, and not in front of your Mom/Grandma/Aunt".  I get this since I used them at a young age and aside from the times these came out at the behest of my great Aunt, or in frustration at a doctor's office (any mother's proudest moment), once I was old enough I was taught that I shouldn't use them in front of my family.

I realize there are some kids wouldn't dream of using them - like those lucky homeschoolers who have zero interaction with the outside world. Have you seen Blast From the Past?  It's an extremely amusing take on a child being influenced only by his parents.  Aside from it being super funny, it makes you realize what a difference it would make if we were able to be the sole influence in our children's lives.

Hunter doesn't tend to swear really; his word is "stupid" and I hate it.  Since we've made such a big deal about it, he says it often - mostly when he's mad at me so I know he's doing it on purpose.  When he dropped the F-bomb, we said nothing - of course, the shock hardly allowed for words at that point.  He hasn't said it again (to my knowledge). 

I don't usually ask for comments (though they are welcome!), but I'm curious - is it just me and my experiences thinking this is totally normal?  I know the majority of my readers come from Facebook and you might need a Google+ account to comment here, but really - is it just me???

Some Days

My sister took Aaron to a movie today, a belated birthday gift. She took him to lunch, he chose the movie, he changed his mind, she acquiesced, everything should have gone well.  Scratch that - everything did go well.  But my sister had told him that if the movie finished early enough that they would go back to her place and play some video games.  If you've been reading these regularly or happen to know us personally, you probably know what's coming; Aaron would rather have played video games at my sister's than anything else.

Not that he didn't enjoy himself, because he did.  What he took no concern in is the possibility that there might not be time to do both.  And he was miffed.  Not that you would have noticed until later.  We met up at Mom's place because my Aunt and Uncle were back for a night and we all had dinner there.  He was alright, seemed a bit tired, but otherwise fine.  After dinner my sister and her husband (just had to add emphasis because it's the first time I really could) left.  That's when it all went downhill.

Aaron didn't come to me with it of course because I have never been good at sympathizing with the loss of video game time.  He went to Geoff.  Now I'm not sure what started it or kept it going, but Aaron was in a super bad mood by the time we were ready to leave.  We packed up Hunter, and I do mean Hunter, not his things, and headed for the car.  Aaron dawdled and hid and was just being difficult. 

Geoff took Aaron in his car and I had no real idea until we got home (to our still tidy house!) what the problem was.  But I began to remember my conversation with my sister. Geoff drove up, he came in, I already had Hunter in the house - no Aaron.  Geoff brought the lawn chairs into the garage and asked if Aaron had come in.  No, he hadn't.  So we watched covertly while Aaron dawdled on the driveway... slowly nearing the front door.  Geoff went out.  Aaron ran away.   Geoff came back in.  "Man, he's stubborn! He's just like me!" "Uh-huh" I said as I walked by.  He is.

Then Aaron came up to the door, slowly turned the knob and peeked in.  He saw me first and I saw his smile but he held his head down and went into the garage.  I turned to Geoff and said "The light isn't on in there" and we waited.  Not quite a minute later the door opened and a hand came out against the wall, found the switch and flicked it on.  He stood with the door open so I was quiet.  Then it shut.  "He turned it on" I told Geoff.   And we waited.

Eventually he came in and made his way upstairs.  Geoff and I were both in the living room and Aaron flopped down on the ottoman and sighed.  I went to the kitchen.  Geoff was quiet.  Then Aaron asked what Geoff was doing.  And things were okay for a little bit.  I came out to write.  I thought I heard Geoff saying something in a frustrated tone and when he joined me I asked if they were scrapping. "Oh yeah" he grumbled.  "About what?" I asked, just to be sure; "Frickin' video games".

Now, once again, I'm faced with this: if he wanted to play the piano all the time would I be holding out?  Of course not - but maybe, depends on what that sounded like I guess.   It's not like he doesn't have any games.  He doesn't have the one that my sister has though.  Should she have spent the afternoon playing video games with him instead?  I have to wonder if that was like our idea of a "treat" being Chucky Cheese and the kids having way more fun at the park. 

At first he was all excited about the movie but once she mentioned the video game that he doesn't get to play all that often... well maybe they should have changed their plans.  He probably would have had a completely enjoyable afternoon.  Not that either of us thought of that.  I guess I will have to bring him out there one rainy day (because that's the only time he's allowed to play them during the summer) and let them play.  So we can both make up for it.  Yeesh.  And I'm going to go have a talk with my son and make sure he knows that Auntie Errin would have played games with him if she had known that's what he wanted to do.  Because that will make him feel better.

Kid Time and Adult Time

Right now, I'm sitting in a hot tub (feet only, I don't do bathing suits) and Ocean, Ethan and Aaron are with me. So are five other adults, none of whom have children or are related to us.  

This is not a situation I usually put myself in.  Normally I have kid time and adult time and I do not mix them because I find I can't.  I'm either Mom or I'm just me - I haven't had much practice being both.  Not that I expect there's a huge difference, this actually stems from responsibility. 

If it's only me I have to be responsible for, I'm much more relaxed.  I'm not worried about what everyone else is saying or what (within reason) my children are doing.  I find social situations stressful with them because I worry about their manners and what they're hearing and seeing and saying.... But tonight is proving to be reasonably fine.

I know people who have brought their children into adult environments and it never sat well with me. Maybe it's the type of situation. So far as I can tell, we haven't really alienated anyone.  The kids have only needed a few reminders to take others' needs into consideration.  Maybe the time is right.

They are older now, and maybe they are ready to see what their behaviour should be, and the beat way to learn is often by doing.  It's a learning experience, and as usual, for them as well as me.