I AM IN CONTROL!

I say this because I actually managed to get my kids to do all of their chores right after school.  There were a couple of sour moments like "I hate this day" and "I'm having the worst day ever", but in the end, they were successful and I was beaming.  Almost as much as my mirrors but not quite because the job was really sub par.  However, I'm not going to even bring that up because he's 7.  And he tried.

This day fairly rocked because I felt like I accomplished a lot.  Having more than a couple of kids has its benefits.  I may not have personally accomplished a lot but the vacuuming, dusting, kitchen and mirrors were all completed within a half hour because they helped me.  Or did their chores, however you want to think of it. 

credit: icorp.ca

Yes, things are coming together  nicely.  The kids have, in the last week and a half, done their chores, their homework, their reading, and their bedtime routines.  I expect that I will have severe disobedience issues in the upcoming weeks because (apparently) that is what happens when you introduce something new: they take to it, you're happy, then they completely disarm you by pushing back to see if it will stick (thank you again, psychology classes).  Apparently the key to an actual transformation (or building a habit) will come by making it through this stage. I am in control, I am in control, I am in control... Wish me luck.

In other news, after the homework session which inspired my last post, I decided to add "Shitmykidssay" quotes to The Mom Evolution page on Facebook.  Sometimes they crack me up and other times, well, if it's happening to someone else it's always funnier.  Besides, I want to put it in writing - so they can have an idea of what to expect with their own children one day.  Or at least so I can sit them down and say "Look what I went through!"... when I'm old and decide it's time to toss my filter away.  Because I am in control; so it will totally be my choice.

There's Hope If There's Humour

So it's been almost three months that I've been blogging and recently I figured out Twitter, which has made me neglect the Mom Evolution Facebook page because Twitter is mind candy... bad mind candy.  Stay with me - I have a point.  The kids know I blog mostly about them and usually my Facebook updates are about them, and now I tweet about them. 

A few weeks ago Ethan said "Mom, we should get more credit for all your posts and pictures because we do everything and you just write about it."  Fair enough, young man.  I showed him some blogs so he could tell that they were all getting credit for everything they did.  The thing is, sometimes I think they are going above and beyond what normal children do at times, just to give me a good story.  Like I needed that.

I have included homework time into the schedule so they know the expectation is there.  On this, their fifth day of school, they still don't really have homework yet so I'm giving them pages from those educational school curriculum books that I cannot help buying whenever I see them. Ocean has a math test on Friday so I had her doing some math stuff.  She complained and whined and it was annoying. Then with a completely straight face she says "I can't wait until math grows up and solves its own problems."  I smirk.  I tweet.  That was frickin' funny. "Are you tweeting that? Are you putting that on Facebook?" They know.

Credit: zazzle.ca

"Okay, back to homework." Aaron finishes up his snack and goes to put his spoon in the sink right at the exact moment (I guess) as Ocean is trying to lug the milk up to the counter - there's a collision.  There's squealing. "He got right in front of me!" "She hit me with the milk!"  "Guys come on!" I say exasperatedly. "Sometimes you have to keep your eyes open for others because you are not the only person in the world!" To which Ocean replies, "No, there's lots", to which Aaron adds "and some of them are blind."  Oh my. I smirk again.  I tweet again.

It is beginning to make it extremely difficult for me to not laugh at these guys.  Sure they make me think my head will explode some days, but I can't be doing that bad of a job if they're going to have this kind of humour.  It's just not possible.

The Non-nomination For Mother of the Year Award

Yes, I am one of those Moms who hopes I do lots more right than wrong and that my kids do not end up being useless twits.  Today, that's the least of my worries because I, in one of my most un-intellectually stimulated moments to date, showed Hunter how to use a lighter.  Not down and out "put your finger here and do this" showed him, but he asked what it was and I told him it was a lighter.  He stared at me.  I said, "It makes fire." He stared at me.  I lit it.  His response? "Woah!! Can I try?!" And I was like "I am the biggest dumbass ever."

Now really, this is not the first time he's ever seen a lighter.  Nor is it the first time he's ever asked (Dad) to "make it fire".  However, this is the first time I've seen this response from him and I can't help but wonder when he's going to inadvertently burn our house down - because that's the other thing I saw light up in his eyes...

Okay, so that probably won't happen because we're fairly smart about not leaving lighters and matches around for the kids to play with.  Having almost burned my own house down at the tender age of five, I am well aware of what happens when you leave that stuff out.  I also keenly remember the ass-whooping I got when my own Mom discovered the lit candle under my bed and all the burn marks in the quilt since we'd been playing with it for a bit by the time we were busted.

The Mom Evolution - Appears I jumped the gun on stage 5

After that I was trying to get supper preparations finished, early, so we could go swimming for a bit this afternoon.  Suddenly there was screaming and the ever-anticipated sound "thump, thump, thump", followed by more screaming and crying.  Well Ethan's hands were tied and Aaron proceeded to pull Ethan down the stairs.  "How were you tied up?" I asked after everyone was calm. "Ocean did it!" Enter Ocean "Ethan tied my hands up and then he was like 'Okay! My turn' so I tied his hands!" I'm about to call Aaron out but he's prepped "Ethan threw a shoe at me!" While Hunter interjected here and there with "No, it was Aaron/Ethan/Ocean!"

Have I ever mentioned what the penalty is for pissing me off?  I make them play together.  A sit-down game at the kitchen table until they're nice to each other again.  So now we have to wait for that to finish so we can go swimming.  Well, at least my dinner is mostly prepped and I don't have much else to do other than hang out with Hunter.  Who just came in after that whole mess was sorted and said "So, Mom, what are you doin?" No worries, Hunter, I'm not doing anything that doesn't directly involve you.  Cheers Y'all.

Helmets and Other Sources of Parental Dictatorship

Geoff was not a happy camper when he came home tonight.  Seems that Aaron and Ethan were outside riding bikes without helmets.  If you read the last post, I mentioned that Geoff was only really unyielding about one thing: safety.  So he was not in a good mood.  This resulted in a special presentation for all of the kids on the importance of wearing a helmet, courtesy of YouTube. 


That was about the coolest thing I've seen technology do for us as parents - backing up what we say with some street credit from people who upload stuff to YouTube.  And even though I always tell the kids to wear helmets and both Geoff and I wear one when we go riding, there was a part of this presentation that I really hadn't spent too much time talking to the kids about - what an injury to a child does to their family and friends.  It was really impressive in that it made the point, very well, that the injury is costly, scary, and difficult to overcome for both the person who was injured and their whole family. 

After they finished watching it, Geoff made the kids think of ways they could be safer while riding a bike/skateboard/scooter and apologize to us for not wearing their helmets.  Tough, yes, but I think the point was adequately made through the video and each of them seemed genuinely upset at what could happen just because they didn't take the time to don a helmet. 

This was all before dinner.  During dinner, Hunter entertained us all with his clowning around and I realized that he was enjoying the attention just a bit too much.  I quieted the others and put on my "mom" hat (because prior to that he'd almost made me choke with laughter at his extremely "on" Hunter-ness).  He calmed down a little and Geoff's mood hadn't really improved. 

After supper he was encouraging the kids to help clean up and someone must have said something because the last thing I heard from the kitchen was "Deirdre, don't make anyone supper tomorrow!" Which I'm sure was leftover grumpiness because he can see the menu on the fridge and he knows we're having fried chicken tomorrow.  Then again, perhaps he saw the "with broccoli bake" and figured it was worth the risk.  He eats his cooked vegetables but only because I told him he has to or the kids won't. My guess is he figures his minimal discomfort is better than years of fighting with the kids.

In any case, he's not my parent and I'm most likely going to ignore him and cook dinner tomorrow.  On a side note, he just stepped in and I asked him about his grumpiness.  Turns out he's oddly suspicious about telling me much while I'm obviously in the middle of blogging.  Huh.  Strange.

Can't Wait to See Dad :) Poetic Injustice.

"Where's Hunter? Where's Hunter?" I call and I call,
Why are there NOT full length doors on fitting room stalls?
"Ethan? Where are you? Come try on these shoes!" and aisle after aisle there's no Ethan at all.
"Oh" says Ocean, "they went to the escalator". And I exit the store to stand in the hall.

"Hunter, stop running! Two more stores and we're done!"
"Ethan, do you like this?" "No, maybe that other one."
"Aaron try on each size." "Mom, this isn't any fun!"
"We'll do something tomorrow" I'm praying there'll be sun.

"Please watch your brother," I beg "he cannot leave the store!"
"I love this!" Squeals Ocean; "Can I please try on more?"
"In a minute" I tell her, "Hunter's headed for the door."
"Where's Hunter?" I ask Ethan. "Over there on the floor."

"Ok, these ones for gym shoes" chirps Ocean "but I need another pair too."
"Well can you find something here?" "Yeah, if you let me get the wedge running shoe."
"You're eleven and those are ridiculous, I am so not buying them for you!"
"Well my friend.." I don't care, one bit, what those other kids do!"

"Now where's Hunter?" He's under a shelf?  "Ugh, Hunter, gross, it's so dirty down there!"
"Ethan, do you have that hoodie?" I can't find that kid anywhere!
"Sigh" says Ocean, "what do you think of this shirt with my hair?"
Are you kidding right now, love - do I look like I care??

"Tough day?" Sales girl asks, reading my eyes.
"Can we go to Toys R Us?" and something in me dies.
"Maybe a shot of vodka?" She winks, obviously wise,
"Mom I'm hungry. Can we please have some fries?"

Forgot to grab cash and inevitably,
Each kid wants something different to eat.
Ocean goes first so I grab us a seat,
KFC, Taco Time, Arby's - how sweet!

"Where to now Mom?" She grins ear to ear;
"Hunter stay with me!" Where's Aaron? "Come here!"
Our steps are now hurried, the end, it is near,
"Ethan keep up; Hunter stay!" I now sneer.

"Stop hitting, no running!" They're driving me mad,
School's almost started, I will be so glad,
Behold the worst two hours I've ever had,
Can't wait to get home and leave you with Dad.

And We're Off to the Rodeo!

Actually it was more like the midway at the rodeo.  Aaron and Hunter were bouncing off the walls by the time we finally decided to get moving - out of the house that is.  I finally freed the clutter beasts from Ethan's room and Geoff dug up the last of the "stairs" on the side of the house in the back yard.  A and H were pretty good considering but they were definitely ready to get out by 7:00pm. 

We aren't... wait, I'm not "a little bit country".  Geoff has been in the past so he owns a hat.  I worked in a country bar a couple of times and had a hat that I guess I eventually allowed the dust bunnies to run away with.  It really belonged to them anyway by then.  Now that I'm living in an area that lets its old west heritage loose once in a while, I feel like I need at least one outfit to show my western pride.  And why not? I have about eight different outfits for golf and I've only been once a year for the past two years.  However, golf outfits are super cute.  I digress.

So we headed out to the midway after asking repeatedly if the kids were hungry, knowing full well that they would be as soon as we arrived anyway.  For the second time in as many days, my good intentions to stick to my "diet" were out the window (not a real diet if you're just tuning in, just stuff I'm supposed to avoid in case I actually have acid reflux; read: anything at the fair grounds is probably fighting to be at the top of that list).  And Geoff was helpful as well in as many days, texting me "Bud or Heineken?" when he was out.  I chose Heineken.  Not that we felt like having one after returning home so that worked out - yesterday.

But back to the midway.  We arrived and were standing in line at the gate behind a bunch of teens who were probably looking forward to kicking it up for the night.  An extremely generous dude with an official-looking badge asked if we were just going to go to the midway.  We said yes and he let us in the side that doesn't have to pay.  Well Yahoo!  Off to a shining start!  We headed for the rides, passing a sign that said "Monster Truck Rides $8.00".  I drew Geoff's attention to it.  I'm not sure who wanted the ride more, him or the boys.  They all went. I headed back for mini-donuts. 

In this small Southern AB town, the rodeo itself is the highlight.  The midway is there for the very few individuals who aren't coming to see the rodeo so it's not especially big.  There were only two rides that Hunter didn't need an adult for. I got the lucky first take on an adult needed one; the Tilt-a-Whirl.  I used to love the rides. 

One year, when I was Miss. Hometown, my gf and I went to the Ponoka Stampede, paid for I believe by the mayor of my hometown and I think they even gave us a ride as well.  Anyhow, I still wasn't much for the rodeo then and my gf and I rode the rides.  It wasn't very busy that day and the guy at the Zipper told us we could stay on.  We must have ridden that thing for an hour straight.  I guess a Miss. Hometown sash does wonders for free rides.  Afterwards, we headed for the Spider.  That's when it hit me.  Too much movement.  I threw up before it stopped and I haven't been good on rides since.

Back to the present.  The Tilt-a-Whirl didn't look so bad.  By this time, I had eaten an entire bag of cotton candy, mini donuts, a hot dog, French fries with gravy and onion rings with gravy.  When Aaron and Hunter got to the gate, the ride master told me I had to go too.  "You're not going to make me pay for this are you?" I said to him as I passed him the TEN tickets for the boys to go on. I was really thinking about the possibility of my getting sick. It didn't seem right to be charged for that type of excitement.

You know how these guys aren't really the chatty sort unless you're some leggy teen in a tube top?  Well he muttered something and took my tickets and I headed into a "car" with the boys.  Aaron had just been on it with another kid who apparently wanted to go again also so we climbed in with him.

These things work better with more people.  I had forgotten that before we got on.  Anyhow, so off we went and when that thing spun I was like HOLY CRAP!!  My stomach just turned a little at the memory.  And again, when it's not that busy, they seem to allow you to ride for longer.  At one point I wondered if the ride master was tormenting me on purpose since I refused to pay as a chaperone.  I swear I've never seen those cars move like mine did.  I just kept praying that I wasn't going to hurl.

Finally the demonic ride master slowed the damn thing to a stop and we were able to get off.  The boys wanted to go again but I told them we had to wait for Geoff to return - there was no way I could have gone again without covering us in vomit.   Geoff returned and the boys asked for another shot at the Tilt-a-Whirl but he turned them towards the rides Hunter could go on without us.  Smarty pants. 

Aaron headed to the Ferris Wheel and lucked out with a camera shy blond girl for a companion.  As they were going up and up Geoff returned with Hunter and showed him where Aaron was.  They were pausing closer to the top at this point and Hunter says "I want him to come down. Now."

That was cute.  They all took another ride on the monster truck and I held back again.  Granted I'd never seen a monster truck ... anything, but riding in the back of one seems like a dumbass thing to do.  I watched though, you could tell the driver knew how to not make the thing flip over.  Still.  I bought another bag of mini-donuts. 

We figured that was good enough for the night.  We'd been there for three hours and managed to spend $160.  How that was even possible is beyond me.  Though, $40 for monster truck rides adds up.  The boys were happy, I hadn't puked, and we were fairly tired out.  Aaron and Hunter danced all the way home because they were high on sugar and fun times.  Geoff and I were absolutely finished.  There's a reason these things only come once a year; parents just can't handle themselves.

Hunter the Welcoming Committee

Does it ever make you wonder how all of your children can be so different?  I realize I'm not the norm if have to say "all" when referring to my offspring, but still.  Ocean was a shy child, Ethan was more outgoing in comparison and Aaron took after Ocean in cautiousness. Hunter? Well that kid seems to realize that saying "hi" to anyone often gets him the attention he is looking for. 

Hunter was waiting for Ocean to take him on a walk and a lady pulling a couple of little ones in a wagon passed by across the street.  Upon seeing her, Hunter stood up and yelled "Hi there!" She said "Hi" back and Hunter turned to me and said, "I liked seeing those kids."  He does this all the time.  We came back from somewhere one morning and saw a group of kids playing a few doors down.  As we parked Hunter piped up "I'm going to go say hi to those kids." And he did.  I followed along as well because that's just smart, and I met one of my neighbours.

I'm not especially shy but with a kid like Hunter, you meet everyone and anyone because he's interested in meeting them.  Sometimes people don't respond and Hunter will just look at me with surprise and say "They didn't say hi!" I think it's kind of cool that he expects a response but especially that a lack of one doesn't stop him from chatting up the next person.  And although Hunter has no issues chatting up kids, he is especially engaging with adults which is both a blessing and a curse.

I am generally not opposed to chatting with strangers but sometimes I'm just not in the mood to be congenial.  Kids have lightning quick emotions whereas it takes me more than a second to move from grumpy to super happy (because I'm not nearly as prone to ADD as they are).  After I've had a tough morning cleaning up spills and refolding laundry that was already folded the night before and trying to get breakfast cleaned up and everyone is bounding off the walls because they need some outside time, I am not always as welcoming to the "oh, what a sweetheart" because I'd love to reply with some smartass remark like "Yeah? He's yours" and walk away.

Phew.  Even that made me feel much better.  I'll never give him to a total stranger and I will always play at the park because it feels good to play, even when I don't much feel like it.  I'm also glad he's not a brooding kid and that he likes to talk to people.  Some days though, I find it hard to take the compliments and the smiles when I would rather be at home locked away in a closet.  I think the following sums it up completely: "Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids."

 

Project Number Two: Pitting the Children Against One Another

It sounds bad, but I hope it won't be.  My kids like money.  They earn their allowances and they like to make more money however they can.  They've been slipping a little over the summer though.  I guess since Aaron is currently working on his behaviours for his other project, I didn't really notice this while Ocean and Ethan were gone.  But they're back and I notice now.   I have to go to the dollar store and pick up three "banks" with locks.  I have a feeling this will work better if they can "see" their money and also see it moving between banks - because it will.

So, project number two is under way.  Here are the rules:

1. Each child will start out with $40 in their "bank".
2. Whenever one child notices that another child has neglected to:
• remove dishes from the table
• tidy up toys/games/books from common area
• take laundry down and put away
• do something else that was asked of them
• is disrespectful
• The observant child gets $1 from the offending child's bank

There is something for everyone in here. Ethan is often forgetful but he is the least likely to bug the crap out of the others so his plus and minus will probably keep him in the game. Aaron is not very forgetful about most things but he's a little bug.  Little things like turning off the TV while someone else is watching it if they won't turn the channel or something like that.  Ocean can probably whip the other two in staying tidy but she can be a horrible bug, which I've told her can be disrespectful to others if they are taking it badly.  Again, it should work out fairly even. 

All three of them are super excited about the chance to earn a possible $120.  I'm even feeling just a little guilty about the fact that the odds are not in anyone's favour to actually do so.  The last one will be the best to keep everyone even (which is why it's there).   At the end of the day, I've offered to give them $120.  Why?

While each of them have certain strengths it is my never-ending hope that they will manage to curb their weaknesses.  What do I get out of it?  To begin with, they're offered an allowance and it costs the same except I get little return because the system is flawed.  Some of them consider earning an allowance to be optional.  Second, I get at least one extra set of eyes.  They will each have to be proactive with this because getting caught by one of the others, and having to "give" them money will not sit well with anyone.  Lastly, because I fully expect them to realize that the possibility of earning way more than they would earn in allowance is never really going to happen because it's rigged... well, maybe I'll manage to remove their urge to gamble later in life too.  Two birds.

Talking to My Ten and Eleven Year-Olds About Heroin

Why? Because the toxicology reports came back today and that's what killed Cory Monteith; too much heroin.  Now even when I heard it, I was like, of course he wouldn't have done it had he known it was going to be his last day.  I'm guessing here because I've never done heroin before so I have no idea if you can actually make such a sound and rational decision when you want to do heroin.

The reality is that what I and seriously way too many other parents have to do now is talk to our kids about why Finn from Glee died.  Personally, although it totally sucked, I'm not in a bad position to have this talk because I've already broached the subject of drugs.  I'm not even really sure why that was initially.  I can probably thank one of my psych classes again for making me aware of opportunities to have the type of discussion I had to have tonight.

Some of us are "lucky" in that we have a possibly shady past and recognize that our own children may be exposed to certain things earlier than others.  Such an experience enables you to have that preemptive talk.  I will leave you on the fence as to whether I fall into that category or not.  Even if I don't happen to be that person, I know people who were because I grew up in a very small town.

Like the time I took the opportunity to teach the kids about the hazardous materials signage, I have taken the opportunity to talk to my kids about stuff like drugs.  Sometimes it's not difficult, like now when a beloved actor has succumbed to the dangers.  I personally think that the most valuable information I was able to impart to Ocean tonight was that he had admitted to having a problem with substance abuse in the past. 

The reason this information was valuable is because I was able to tell her that he'd possibly done it before and it didn't hurt him.  We're always searching for the best way to protect our children from the most dangerous things out there and the end result only explains so much in a case like this.  Sure, drug use could result in death, but the reason people still take a risk is because it doesn't always.

I'm not sure if my kids will never try drugs.  I would prefer if I never had to endure a live episode of Intervention.  All I can do is try to bestow the wealth of knowledge I accumulate upon them and pray that when they say they will never do drugs they are able to turn down the opportunity when it arises.  Not if.  When. 

Rest in Peace Cory Monteith.  You taught my children to love music and song and I'm sorry this is the other thing you will teach them.