Four years ago I was full of optimism about a future I had painstakingly planned out. Everything was in place - so far as plans go. I was fearless and not about to let anything stand in my way. About this time, then, I had just completed my third part-time class. Maybe I already knew I had another A, maybe I was still waiting on the grade to post. I was primed for a new job to begin that September, one I would be able to work around my full-time classes. I was thrilled - ecstatic.
Last year, we relocated. It was a rather nightmarish summer. We had yet to find our new house and we didn't even know what town, city, or perhaps village we might decide to raise our children in. This was the beginning of changing my mind. I was going to finish school, without a doubt, but after we finally took possession of the house at the end of August and school began for the kids and then me... something changed.
I began to wonder if I had spent all that time in school to decide that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I had done some research on women who had pursued their law degree and although women now comprise just over half (like 50.4%) of the graduating classes, their numbers dwindled constantly in the work force (thanks so much, sociology of work, for providing me with these dim stats). I was unphased however, because I had something these other women probably did not have when they entered law school - four children.
Yes, I actually saw this as a benefit at the time. I would not have to take time off to have a family because I had already done that. I had experience behind me - years of actual work experience and maturity (not old, just more mature). But as the year progressed, I discovered I was exhausted. Having transferrerd the kids from French Immersion school to English (with enhanced French, but the core was English), we had a tonne of work to do. The homework poor Ethan had to do each night was immense. He had a grade one and a half English reading level and he was in grade four. We worked, he worked, his butt off. Last report he was just hitting grade four levels. We pulled him up two and a half grade levels in six months (I knew he could do it). I was so proud of him, the teachers were amazed and also proud. And I realized I did not want to miss this.
For five years, I had a singular focus - becoming a lawyer. I did not waste too much time thinking of the consequences to a family life. Suddenly though, I was thinking exactly that. I had worked my own butt off getting through my undergrad and though I was happy with my successes I was no longer reaching for law school. Sure I can change my mind again in a year or ten because I have the required undergrad for entry into law school. But it won't be this year and I highly doubt I will apply in October for next year.
So did I put myself through school only to discover that I wanted to be a stay at home mom? Perhaps. Although I know I will be busy with other things. I have begun to immerse myself in social media. You may be surprised at how many jobs are looking for experienced social media users. So I'm learning. And I'm taking some time to play with my kids. I'm pleased to say I never stopped that, but Hunter is now three and he's become quite an imaginative playmate. We kill tonnes of monsters at the park whenever we go and yesterday we sat and had pretend popcorn with butter that he made for us.
Twelve years ago, I made a list: if I could do anything I wanted, the first thing I would do was return to school. Done. The second thing I would do was write. So here goes.
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