How Did I Ever Manage?

Yesterday I worked.  For another two days, I have a job and we don't usually work much in the summer anyway.  For the last four years I have had this amazing job where I give presentations to junior and senior high school students and interested adults on planning for post-secondary, the difference between the many options available and student funding. This has been a job I loved and something I was really good at - which probably helped me to love it. 

So for the past four years I have done this - pretty much Monday to Friday - while being a full-time student.  Now that I've graduated, I have to leave my job because it's for current post-secondary students and I am no longer one of those.  A couple of fellow graduates who were a year ahead of me had told me it wouldn't really hit until September when I realized I wouldn't be going back.  In my case it's a double whammy because graduating actually finished my job as well. 

When I got home last night, I was exhausted.  Everything hurt.  Moreso than when I organized the crap out of my house for a week.  Now I realize I'm tired - hah - I've been tired for about three years! Change is good ... isn't it?  I've read a few blogs from women who are heading back to work after some (or a lot of)home time with the kids.  Right now, I don't envy them.  I don't know how I managed for the past four years. 

In a way I blame my children.  Well, not the children I guess, so much as the pregnancies.  When my first was born I bounced back within about six months.  The second took longer.  The third longer still - about three years.  So it is my expectation that the fourth child will take me about four years to recuperate from.  And I'm only on year three.  Plus I probably didn't speed up the recovery process when I took that full twelve months of schooling after he turned one.  And really, it wasn't 12 months straight, if was more like 20 because we start in September and end in April.  I only went straight through 2011, but the school year was also on the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2012.

Considering all of the progress I've made organizing the house, I was reminded of why it got so bad in the first place - I was tired.  Even FlyLady's fifteen minutes is too much to ask when you feel like that. Ugh.  A few of my girlfriends told me they couldn't imagine how I did what I did over the last few years and I refused to think about it - I just did it.  I told them I'd think about it when I was done because  I thought I might have an answer then - and here it is: I was pursing my goals.  Maybe the reason everything has tired me out so much since graduation is because it was no longer part of my goals; they've changed in the last year.  At this time in my life, aiming for law school seems even more insane than what I've just done.  But people keep encouraging me to rest up a bit and see how I feel later.  Good advice.  For later. 

Today we are headed for some fun and sun at my cousin's place.  Since we've moved closer to family, I still haven't seen any of them - busy, busy.  And though I'm tired and sore, I know it will feel better to actually get out - again.  Some sick irony there.  But my cousins have a pool and the kids should really enjoy themselves.  That pretty much explains it there.  I've often agreed to the saying "If Momma's happy, everyone's happy - if Momma's not happy, then nobody's happy".  However, a great deal of our happiness is found in our children's happiness too.  If they enjoy the day as much as I think they're going to, and I get some adult conversation and share some laughs, well I'm pretty sure everyone will be happy.  That's at the top of my priority list today; right after the blog.