Saturday, 13 July 2013

Rainy Day Confessions

This story began a while ago and culminated in a wonderful meeting of my children's minds.  It was the end result which I cherished so greatly and not the consequential feelings of slight embarrassment for myself.  Even at the time, I ... well I will tell you the story.

I have always had a relatively slight frame.  Not slight as in I might blow away, but slender - bordering on athletic.  If you've ever read the humourous descriptions of "athletic" they almost always centre on the lack of breast size.  I remember my mom telling me, back in the day "it took me two kids to get these", because she had boobs.  I was fairly excited about my prospects when I became pregnant with Ethan.  It was not to be. 

When I had Aaron, and then Hunter, and still was not "blessed" with a "rack", I figured it definitely was not meant to be.  I have purchased helpful bras over the years but even those only help so much - they enhance what you have.  If you have little to enhance, they are relatively useless.  One day I saw a package of gel-like "inserts".  I grabbed them.  Ocean and Ethan were with me and at one point I overheard Ocean "Hey Ethan, look at these" and I grabbed them out of her hand and threw them back in the cart with a slight admonishment.

These things were great.  They weren't super obvious and only gave a little "enhancement", but I could wear them with a sports bra and I was comfortable.  Not chesty, but not self-confident either. Over the next while, I discovered that Hunter couldn't keep his hands off them.  I would be missing one or both in the morning and would scour the house.  I wasn't sure where I needed to keep them (a drawer maybe?) so he wouldn't get hold of them.  I never put them in a drawer.

One day as I came upstairs, Ocean, Ethan and Aaron (maybe Hunter too, but he didn't get the joke so was not all that involved anyway) were sitting in the living room and Aaron was giggling.  As I looked to see what they were up to, nothing caught my eye but Aaron went ramrod straight in his chair when I appeared and so I knew something was up.  I saw nothing odd and went about my way.  Then they called me back.

"Mom," Aaron says "look at your pictures".  Maybe it was early.  I didn't get it.  "Look at your golf pictures" he giggled.  And there, over my fireplace, were my inserts - sticking to the wall.  Apparently Hunter had discovered that if you throw them at the wall, they stick.  So the kids got together and put them somewhere they thought I might see them.  I did.  Red-faced, I walked over to the fireplace and peeled them off, the kids howling the whole time.  Now I keep them in a drawer.

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